(An old tradition continues anew here, transferred from another venue.)
When I'm King of the Racing World . . .
Ferrari will design, build and enter a car in the Indianapolis 500.
And win.
Melanie Troxel will have a locked-in, rock-solid five-year sponsorship in either Funny Car or Top Fuel (her pick) with a good activation/PR budget so she can truly become the on-and-off-track star she should be.
Max Papis will win a Sprint Cup race, setting off one of the most emotional winner's circle sessions in racing history.
Several swarrow cactus plants will be planted under the white line exiting turn 2 at Phoenix International Raceway to discourage drivers from cutting down on the apron to pass. Make them step-up to the challenge of the dogleg.
T. Wayne Robertson will be elected to the NASCAR Hall of Fame.
Ditto, Linda Vaughn.
Rush Limbaugh will be grand marshall at the Daytona 500.
Ditto, Sarah Palin.
NHRA will go all-out with manpower, ideas, effort and budget for one season in the PR/national media relations/publicity arena. The results will be so good Tom Compton will want to -- no, NEED to -- come back for more.
Mario Andretti will wave the checkered flag at the Austin and New Jersey U.S. Grands Prix.
Michael Schumacher will win another Formula One race -- then immediately retire -- for good.
There will be a truly American Formula One team -- U.S. owners, designers, crew, chassis, engine, sponsors and drivers.
After he retires from full-time NASCAR competition, Jeff Gordon will win the Rolex 24, Sebring, and Le Mans.
Steve Kinser will drive a Tony Stewart-owned car in the Indy 500.
Mark Martin will win the Daytona 500 or Sprint Cup championship.
There will be ONE American sports car series, with races at the classic venues like Sebring, Watkins Glen, Road America, Daytona, Laguna Seca and Road Atlanta. And, yes, Indianapolis.
Said series will have a robust prototype class, with strong factory participation, and a separate GT class. That's it -- one race, two classes. Anything more is too confusing even for ardent fans (anyone who tried to understand Sebring this year knows that I'm saying is true.)
The World of Outlaws will have a solid, season-long TV package, including live and delayed telecasts.
Road America will be a permanent fixture on the IndyCar schedule.
Roger Penske will have NHRA Top Fuel and Funny Car teams.
Penske will field Porsche's new prototype at Le Mans, with an All-American driving lineup -- Scott Pruett, Brad Keselowski, Patrick Long and Graham Rahal.
Pruett will be featured on the cover of Sports Illustrated under the headline: "America's most underappreciated racer."
The specific, factual cause of Jimmy Clark's fatal accident will be determined once and for all.
The moment he retires from driving, Dario Franchitti will go into the IndyCar TV booth.
Jim Chapman will be inducted into the Indianapolis Motor Speedway's Hall of Fame.
Public relations people will figure out the "old school" way of building solid one-on-one relationships with the media is the RIGHT way. That means actually TALKING to journalists.
The mainstream media will figure out that drag racing is the most AMERICAN of all motorsports.
One NASCAR weekend will go by without one mention of "Danica".
I'll do my best Tony Hulman impression giving the "start your engines" command somewhere before moving on to that Great Speedway Media Center in the Sky.
[ more next Monday . . . ]
